Sharni's Index
KaraLou's Index
Parts 5 - 8
Darcy sat in an ante-room off a summer parlour (where he had hidden himself from the attentions of his Aunt) and tried to concentrate on his book. He was struggling once more though, as images of Elizabeth Bennet again invaded his mind. Try as he might he could not exorcise these thoughts; he avoided her company, he reminded himself that he was a man of consideration in the world, of the inferiority of her connections - but his fixation with her seemed to be growing daily. He knew aligning himself with such a family was not an option, and never would be. He just had to find a way to forget those eyes, her figure, her easy smile, playful manners and that soft laugh... oh no... it was happening again...
With a deliberate determination he turned his attention back to the page before him and forced himself to attend to the words. He managed more or less successfully, to keep his mind on the book until he was disturbed by the very laughter that he had earlier been trying to banish from his thoughts. It was obvious that Georgiana and Elizabeth had entered the adjoining room from the other door.
Darcy waited a moment to see if they would just pass through. If they intended to settle he knew he would have to excuse himself from their company as the last thing he needed at that moment was further exposure to the alluring Miss Bennet. His hesitation however, cost him dear, as by the time he'd realised that the girls indeed meant to stay, he'd begun to comprehend that their conversation was of a rather personal nature, and it would be somewhat embarrassing to let them know he'd overheard them.
He felt extremely uncomfortable with his situation, but could see no way out without announcing his presence. His only alternative seemed to be to lay low until the girls moved on, and desperately hope that their talk became somewhat less personal in the mean time.
"...I certainly don't think you need to worry about such things at your age and in your position," Elizabeth was laughing. "You have all the time in the world and many personal attractions."
"It's my 'position' as you put it, that causes me much of my concern," Georgiana continued. "How am I to know whether I am admired for who I am, rather than for what I'm heir to?"
"Well, at least that's a problem that I don't have," Elizabeth answered cheerfully. "Honestly Georgie, you're an intelligent girl. You just have to take things easy and make the time to really get to know the essence of a person. A little cynicism doesn't hurt... it is a fact that there are many people who might wish to take advantage of you, but there are also many who are good and sincere. It would be a terrible thing to lose faith in the world as a whole, through fear of some people's motives."
"But it's hard not to be suspicious Lizzy, and what if I get it wrong?"
"Georgie, life will never be perfectly safe, but in the long run it's much better to learn discernment and to face things head on. Hiding from life doesn't solve anything."
"I'm not sure my discernment is up to the task," Georgiana admitted softly. "I've made some very poor judgements before today."
Elizabeth could sense that Georgiana was in earnest and sought to reassure her.
"We've all made poor judgements Georgie, but the best thing is to learn from them and put them behind you. You need to take on some of my philosophy. Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure."
Georgiana gave her a reluctant smile.
"Such a philosophy might work for those whose past is void of unpleasant memories..."
"Do you mean to imply that my life has been full of roses?" Elizabeth laughed, obviously trying to lighten the tone of the conversation. "It's easy to see that you didn't grow up in a house with four sisters."
"It can't be that bad," Georgiana smiled. "I would have loved a sister."
"Well, you'd often be welcome to one of mine, but I must insist on keeping Jane for myself. Now her, I could not part with."
"I would have loved a sister to have talked these matters over with Lizzy. William is a wonderful brother but I sometimes find him a little daunting."
"I can well believe that," Elizabeth answered. "Sisters at least have that advantage over brothers. Jane and I can share almost anything, and it's wonderful to have a confidant."
"Yes it is Elizabeth, I'm learning that right now. You really don't mind me telling you these things?"
"Of course not Georgie, is there something else worrying you?"
"Well... I know that this might sound silly. You've told me to take my time and be discerning, but what if no really nice man ever wants me. What if I turn away someone and then never receive another offer. Isn't an imperfect marriage better than no marriage at all?... Lizzy, don't laugh at me..."
"I'm sorry Georgie, but I was perfectly serious in what I said before. You are 16, with years of bloom still ahead of you. You are a very pretty girl, well connected, unassuming, good humoured and intelligent. You should stop under-valuing yourself. You have no reason at all to be desperate... and as for you last question, I would have to answer with an emphatic no! An unequal marriage is not a better alternative to no marriage at all."
"Do you really think that Lizzy? Would you really risk turning down an eligible offer of marriage...? Tell me what is so funny - why are you smiling like that...? Lizzy, have you ever turned down an offer of marriage...?"
"Only one," Elizabeth smiled, "and it might make a good case in point for what I'm saying."
"Would it have been a good match in the eyes of the world?" Georgie questioned.
"Not the part of the world that has any sense," Elizabeth answered, "but in a purely prudential light it wouldn't have bad match. The man stands to inherit my father's estate."
"Ew, Mr Collins!" Georgiana exclaimed in disgust.
In the ante-room Darcy's mind had made the connection a few seconds before Georgiana, and his reaction was at least as acute. The idea of Elizabeth married to a man like Collins was enough to make the stomach turn. He was also angry at the hide of such a man in even assuming it might be in his power to attain the affections of a woman his superior in so many ways.
Back in the larger room Georgiana was begging for details, and after obtaining the requisite promises from the younger girl that the story would go no further, Elizabeth relented and told her the tale with great spirit, delighting in all that was ridiculous in the circumstance.
"...and I found myself being solemnly addressed by my father," Elizabeth concluded. "Now let me see if I can recall his exact words - 'An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. -- Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do'."
By the time Elizabeth finished Georgiana was wiping tears of laughter out of her eyes.
"Oh, thank goodness for your father. What on earth would you have done without his support?"
"I'm very grateful for my father's interference, but believe me Georgie, even without out it nothing could have ever induced me to marry Mr Collins."
"You must admit though," Georgiana asked, sobering up a little, "Mr Collins is rather an extreme example. What if the offer had come from someone a little more personable?"
"I have never been in that situation; Jane has though. I flatter myself however that I would make no compromise in this area. Our own family has shown us how important it is to have a partner in life who you can respect. We will not marry without affection and esteem."
"So Jane has turned down a proposal as well?"
"Yes, but fortunately the offer and her refusal were kept from my mother. Jane was staying at my Uncle Gardiner's home in town when she was only 15, and a gentleman of significant means became almost obsessed with her, he called all the time, wrote her poetry and bought her gifts - which were immediately returned. The man however, was patronisingly arrogant and Jane found his attentions overbearing. My Aunt tried to warn my mother in order to have Jane removed from the situation, but my mother only became over-excited at the prospect of such an attachment, and made matters worse. In the end my father had to be applied to, and he arrived in London just in time to refuse consent. My mother still thinks that the man just lost interest."
"Has she never received an offer since?" Georgiana inquired.
"No," Elizabeth answered softly. "She is very beautiful but she doesn't put herself forward. Even though she may have suffered disappoint since then, I still believe she does not regret her decision to hold out for appropriate affection."
It probably does not need to be stated, but hearing this about Jane did not sit very comfortably with Darcy's already uneasy conscience. As he thought about the role he'd played in separating Elizabeth's sister from his friend, he could not help but ask if this had been the disappointment to which Elizabeth had just referred?
Meanwhile, in the adjoining room the conversation had moved on.
"Is there anyone in your current acquaintance from whom you would consider accepting a proposal ?" Georgiana had asked. "Would you consider my cousin for instance?"
"No Georgie... and I think you know why," Elizabeth answered with a smile.
Georgiana blushed and quickly moved on to hide her embarrassment.
"What about my brother then?"
"Never!" Elizabeth answered decisively, and then laughed at the look of abject astonishment on Georgiana's face. "I'm sorry Georgie but it's hard to conceive of a couple less compatible than you brother and myself."
Part 6
The arrival in the room of Mr Collins looking for Elizabeth, brought a sudden end to the discussion between the two girls and soon Darcy found himself again alone, with nothing but his thoughts for company.
The stupefaction that he'd experienced on hearing Elizabeth's emphatic 'never!' had eased somewhat, and instead his feelings had settled into a rational denial. She couldn't have honestly meant that she'd never consider a proposal from him. Her reaction was most likely one of embarrassment at being asked such a question by his little sister... but then again, she hadn't seemed particularly embarrassed - more amused. Why then should she deny that an offer of marriage from him would be very desirable proposition? No one in Elizabeth's position, while still possessed of her right mind, could possibly refuse such an offer.
He ran his mind over their relative situations, and felt a little comforted at the conclusion that her negative response must have been some form of disguise. It didn't matter anyway. He would never offer, so why should he be concerned over whether or not she'd accept? If she were not interested in him it was all the better. Why should it matter to him? If Elizabeth didn't want him there were plenty of other far more eligible and better-connected women, who did! He would put this business and Elizabeth out of his mind forever.
Putting the matter out if his head however, was far easier determined than done, and her 'never!' stayed with him for the rest of the day and disturbed his sleep through the night.
Given the substance of the whole of the overheard conversation, Darcy was almost embarrassed that it was the 'never!' which dominated his thoughts so completely. Georgiana has been sharing deep-seated fears and insecurities, but his mind was barely recalling these things as it turned again and again to question of what possible reason Elizabeth could have to reject him as an acceptable partner.
The next morning he sought out Fitzwilliam's company in his quest for distraction and relief.
"...and how are you feeling today Darcy?" Fitzwilliam inquired. "You seemed a little out of sorts last night."
"I'm fine Fitz, there's just a little matter of business that's been playing on my mind." Well... it wasn't exactly untrue. It was a business of sorts.
"Anything that I can help you with?" the Colonel asked.
"Not really, But I think that I may go into town later this week to deal with it," Darcy replied. Yes, that was the perfect idea. He just needed a few days far away from Elizabeth Bennet to clear his mind.
The satisfaction that he received from such a plan was short lived though, as the two men were soon joined by Georgiana and Elizabeth who had walked over with Mr and Mrs Collins on their morning visit to Lady Catherine. The Colonel greeted the ladies with pleasure, and slipped into easy conversation with them..
As on so many occasions previously, Darcy found himself intently watching Elizabeth, but this time with a slightly different perspective. He watched not so much to try and discern his feelings for her, but rather to discern her feelings for him. It was a disconcerting point of view as he found himself questioning more and more, whether she might not have been speaking the absolute truth in her opinion of him on the preceding day. She was friendly and open in her interaction with his cousin and sister, but no more than polite in her treatment of him. He noticed for the first time that her smiles, which were frequently directed at the others, seemed not to be happily bestowed on him.
For someone so used to having others court his attention and good opinion, it came as a shock to realise that Elizabeth seemed to be only tolerating his company. He excused himself from the group and headed toward the stables, feeling the need for some release of tension. About an hour later, after some reasonably heavy riding, he reigned his horse in and left it to graze while he sat himself down to properly think things through. It was obvious enough that his feelings were not going to be repressed, so he may as well face them.
He found himself going over much of the overheard conversation in order to try to find any clues to her negative reaction to the idea of marrying him. When she spoke of what she desired in marriage she had used terms like 'respect', 'esteem' and 'affection'. The glaring implication was that she didn''t feel these things toward Darcy, but how could that be? He could understand her rejecting Collins on that basis, but he would hardly put himself in the same category as the obsequious little clergyman.
He questioned what he'd ever done to forfeited Elizabeth's respect... what action had he taken to deserve such indifference? Then it suddenly came to him, almost as an epiphany, that he was asking the wrong question, that he should have been asking what he'd ever done to earn her affection and respect.
He ran his mind over their past relationship, and found little to satisfy in doing so. He thought back to the very beginning of their acquaintance.
``She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men."
Could she have overheard him? He hadn't taken any care to ensure she'd not. His mind turned to subsequent meetings.
``Indeed, Sir, I have not the least intention of dancing. -- I entreat you not to suppose that I moved this way in order to beg for a partner.''
` `You excel so much in the dance, Miss Eliza, that it is cruel to deny me the happiness of seeing you; and though this gentleman dislikes the amusement in general, he can have no objection, I am sure, to oblige us for one half hour.''
``Mr. Darcy is all politeness,''
``He is indeed -- but considering the inducement, my dear Miss Eliza, we cannot wonder at his complaisance; for who would object to such a partner?''
He remembered Elizabeth's arch look as she turned away... oh my... she must have heard him.
He smiled almost bitterly as he ran his mind over the time she'd spent at Netherfield, and the thought of how hard he'd worked at trying to overcome his growing attraction. He'd enjoyed their sparring exchanges, but that's all they'd been, quick exchanges. They didn't have so much as a normal conversation in the whole time she was there. He remembered their banter on her last evening there.
"But it has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule.''
``Such as vanity and pride.''
Was that really how she saw him? - as vain and proud. When he really put his mind to it though, he couldn't think of any reason for her to think otherwise. In his struggle with his own feelings he had often been deliberately distant and aloof. He had worked hard at letting no sign of admiration escape him. He had not wanted her to build up any false hopes in regard to his intentions. Now that was ironic wasn't it? Whose hopes had proved false in the end? How could he have been so full of his own feelings to have never once considered hers?
He could only recall one occasion, in the whole of their acquaintance, when he had really tried to get to know her a little, and that had turned out very poorly indeed. It was at the ball at Netherfield, he had not intended to ask her to dance, but she had looked so beautiful. He now unhappily recalled some of their exchange that evening.
``Sir William's interruption has made me forget what we were talking of.''
``I do not think we were speaking at all. Sir William could not have interrupted any two people in the room who had less to say for themselves. -- We have tried two or three subjects already without success, and what we are to talk of next I cannot imagine.''
``What think you of books?''
``Books -- Oh! no. -- I am sure we never read the same, or not with the same feelings.''
Yes, Elizabeth had meant it when she told Georgiana they were incompatible. She wasn't just posturing.
Darcy winced as he remembered more of the conversation.
``When you met us there the other day, we had just been forming a new acquaintance.''
``Mr. Wickham is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his making friends -- whether he may be equally capable of retaining them, is less certain.''
``He has been so unlucky as to lose your friendship, and in a manner which he is likely to suffer from all his life...''
``I remember hearing you once say, Mr. Darcy, that you hardly ever forgave, that your resentment once created was unappeasable. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to its being created.''
``I am,''
``And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?''
``I hope not.''
``It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first.''
``May I ask to what these questions tend?''
``Merely to the illustration of your character,I am trying to make it out.''
``And what is your success?''
``I do not get on at all. I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly.''
He could only imagine what Wickham may have said about him. If he'd already started making insinuations while Darcy was still in the locality, what might have he said after the group from Netherfield had left for town?
Darcy sat there almost overwhelmed by a confusion of feelings. He was angry with Wickham and angry with himself, he was hurt by the knowledge that a woman whom he so admired obviously held him in such low esteem and, on top of this, the guilt he had been trying to repress over separating Bingley and Jane, was again reasserting itself.
He had reassured himself many times that he was right in this interference, not only because of the poor connections and the lack of propriety within the Bennet family, but mostly because he had been convinced of Miss Bennet's indifference. What he'd heard from Elizabeth on the preceding day however, was creating huge cracks in this conviction. His interference in Bingley's affairs, particularly his concealment of the fact that Jane was in town, now seemed impertinent and beneath him. Bingley was a grown man and should be allowed to choose the direction of his own life.
Darcy finally stood and moved to retrieve his mount.
"Well my good fellow," he addressed his horse as he took the reigns in his hand. "I've obviously made a lot of mistakes over the last few months and I will live to regret them, but Bingley should not have to share in the consequences of my misjudgements."
Part 7
Darcy returned to Rosings and made plans to leave for London on the following day. His Aunt was seriously displeased with this defection, but he assured her that the business was pressing, and that his absence would only be of a short duration.
Under ordinary circumstances Fitzwilliam would have jumped at this as an opportunity to accompany Darcy and get away from Rosings for a few days, but this time he didn't even suggest such a plan. The company of Elizabeth and Georgiana had added a great deal to his enjoyment of Kent, and though it crossed his mind for a moment that he too could visit London, he owned to himself that he would really much rather stay where he was.
Elizabeth's positive influence on Georgiana seemed to be growing daily, and Fitzwilliam was gratified to see his young cousin finally coming out from behind the walls she'd so carefully erected around he since the Wickham incident. He was again seeing glimpses of the open and affectionate, if somewhat quiet, little girl he had known before. Only this time it was different; Georgie was a little girl no longer. She had grown into quite a young lady. Not only was her figure well formed and her appearance womanly and graceful, but her understanding was developing a real intelligence and maturity. Over the last few weeks Fitzwilliam had been seeking out her company more and more, even when Elizabeth was not present, and he was finding great pleasure in his discussions with her, and in the influence he could have on her opinions and taste.
Darcy had not yet left the house. He did not need to be in London at any particular time so there was no cause for hurry, and though he denied to himself that he was waiting to see Elizabeth before he left, his disappointment upon Mr and Mrs Collins's arriving for their morning visit by themselves, showed him otherwise.
Polite greetings were made all around before Charlotte turned to Georgiana.
"Elizabeth is just finishing off a letter to Jane, and expects to be over within the next half hour."
Darcy waited no longer and gave his apologies as he made to leave. An idea had just occurred to him that would make his business in London seem far more natural and a lot easier.
Ten minutes later Elizabeth was startled by a ring at the door. As she had heard no carriage, she thought it not impossible to be Lady Catherine, and under that apprehension was putting away her almost finished letter, that she might escape all impertinent questions, when the door opened, and to her very great surprise, Mr Darcy, and Mr Darcy only, entered the room.
"I hope you will pardon my intrusion Miss Bennet," he spoke politely, "but Mrs Collins said that you were just completing a letter to your sister, and as I am at this moment leaving for a few days in London, I thought that I might offer to convey the missive for you."
Elizabeth, in complete astonishment, did not at first know how to react. She considered, out of pure perverseness, refusing his kind offer, but this somehow seemed too petty and ungracious.
She hesitated a moment before making her reply.
"Why... thank you Mr Darcy... but I haven't quite finished it yet. If you are leaving now I can easily send it by post."
"A small delay will make no difference to my journey, I'm happy to wait if I can be of some service to you."
Elizabeth looked as confused at this civility as she had been by his original offer, and suggested he take a seat while she finished off her missive.
Darcy watched her as she took out the letter and resumed writing. Her astonished reaction to his offer had given him some pain. The idea that she thought such a small act of kindness was beyond him, hurt more than he wanted to acknowledge. Though he had completely given up the idea of marriage to her - he had never entertained it in the first place, had he? - Darcy did want to prove, by every civility in his power, that he was not nearly as devoid of all proper feeling as she supposed. Now that he was in her presence the strength of his desire to lessen her ill-opinion surprised him, and he hoped her dislike of him wasn't so deep as to be immovable.
His introspections were interrupted by Elizabeth's rising at the completion of her correspondence.
"Thank you for waiting sir," she said as she handed him the letter, the formal tone of her address depressing his spirits even further. She looked hesitant even now. "You understand my Aunt and Uncle live in Gracechurch Street."
"Yes, I've heard it mentioned previously. I'm sure I'll have no difficulty in locating the residence." He tried to sound easy and unconcerned, though he knew that only two days ago his pride would have fought hard against making a social call in that part of town. If he were strictly honest, he still balked at such a proposition, but he needed, as much as possible, to correct the consequences of his interference in Bingley's affairs.
He became aware that an awkward silence had now settled on the room, and that Elizabeth was considering him as though wondering if he had been in the sun for too long. Understanding that he may have overstayed his welcome, he took his leave.
Bingley was pleasantly surprised late that afternoon, by an unlooked for visit from his particular friend. He welcomed Darcy with his customary warmth and the conversation soon turned to matters more pertinent in Darcy's mind.
"You must tell me how you're surviving your visit with your Aunt. Has the addition of Georgiana, as well as Colonel Fitzwilliam, made any difference to your enjoyment of the stay?"
"Actually our party has been larger still," answered Darcy, deciding that he might as well just get to the point of his call straight up. "Miss Elizabeth Bennet has been visiting at the parsonage next to Rosings, and she and Georgiana have formed quite a friendship."
The look that passed Bingley's face on the mention of the Bennet name, made Darcy feel his misplaced interference all the more.
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet did you say?" Bingley answered with a forced lightness. "Was she the only one of her family visiting?"
"Yes she was. You remember Miss Lucas of course. She married my Aunt's clergyman Mr Collins. Do you recall meeting him toward the end of our stay at Hertfordshire?"
"Yes, I do vaguely," Bingley replied. "I must admit that I was rather preoccupied with other things at the time."
"I know you were Charles." Bingley looked up at Darcy's uncustomary use of his Christian name, somehow sensing the serious turn of the conversation. "That's actually what I need to talk to you about."
"Do you still fear me making a fool of myself over Miss Bennet?" Bingley answered - his voice as close to bitterness in its tone as Darcy had ever heard it. "I believe even I have come to fully accept that she never really cared for me. She has not even continued correspondence with Caroline, and I believe that if she had any feelings for me at all, she would have at least tried to have maintained that connection."
"In this, I know you are mistaken," Darcy stated unable to look his friend in the face. "In fact Miss Bennet not only wrote, but even visited Miss Bingley on her arrival in town almost two months ago."
Bingley looked unsure of how to understand Darcy's information.
"Are you saying that Miss Bennet was in town... in my home... and Caroline kept it from me?"
"Not only Caroline..." Darcy replied, uncomfortably lifting his eyes to meet his friend's. "I also knew she was in town and didn't tell you."
Darcy winced as he saw an unfamiliar flash of anger in Bingley's eye.
"Darcy, as a good friend you certainly have the right of persuasion and influence, and I accept that - but this... this is deceit! I can believe this of Caroline - but of you ?" The pain in Bingley's voice was undeniable. "And why, may I ask are you telling me this now? Is this just that you believe punishment in good for my development, or is there a real point to any of this belated information?"
Darcy sat in silence, all his well rehearsed excuses and justifications suddenly sounded very hollow. What was he to say? Was he to remind him of the want of propriety continually displayed by Jane's mother and three younger sisters? Was he again to point out that her situation was rather beneath Bingley's own, or should he just stay with the plea that he had sincerely believed that Miss Bennet was not attached to him? Somehow upon witnessing strength of Bingley's obvious feelings for Miss Bennet, nothing really sounded reasonable.
"I was wrong, and I owe you my apologies," Darcy eventually replied. "I acted out of arrogance, and a misplaced idea that it was all for your good."
Bingley's face softened toward his friend on this confession.
"Misplaced?" he asked tentatively.
"Yes, misplaced. I happened to overhear a conversation the other day which has caused me to question my conviction of Miss Bennet's indifference."
Bingley hardly knew how to respond to such a revelation. He had spent almost four months unsuccessfully trying to overcome his disappointment at Jane's insensibility toward him. He had placed a great reliance on Darcy's opinion, particularly in such an important matter as matrimony. He had previously felt assured that Jane returned his affection with sincere, if not equal regard, and it had crushed him to find that not only his sisters, but also his friend, believed her indifferent.
If the past months had taught Bingley anything though, it was to be more cautious in his expectations. Though he truly wanted to hope, he wasn't quite prepared to again put his emotions on the line without good reason.
"What was it that you heard?"
"I can't remember the exact words," Darcy answered softly. "Just that Miss Bennet has previously refused an offer on the basis of insufficient affection. Miss Elizabeth said quite clearly that her sister would never marry a man for whom she did not feel esteem and affection."
"That's very admirable of her," Bingley answered, feeling all the more the loss of such a woman, "but I don't see how this benefits me at all."
"Miss Elizabeth also commented on the fact that Miss Bennet was never forward... I may have mistaken her decorum for lack of feeling."
"It's possible I suppose, but you are normally a fairly accurate judge of character. I feel no confidence that Miss Elizabeth's statement really gives me more certainty of Miss Bennet's feelings."
Darcy could see that convincing Bingley to give his chances with Jane another try, were not as high as he'd hoped. The protective barriers were well and truly up.
"Miss Elizabeth also spoke of her sister going through disappointment."
Bingley looked up sharply upon hearing this statement.
"Did she say it was over me?"
At this point Darcy dearly wished he could have answered in the affirmative.
"Not exactly, but I've been unable to shake the feeling that she was referring to you."
Bingley laughed out loud at this.
"Do you know what you've done to now Darce?" he asked shaking his head. "If I accept that Miss Elizabeth was talking about what happened between her sister and myself, you've given me hope, and dashed it in one stroke. If she did feel for me, what must she think of me now after four months silence? She must think me every kind of cad for leading her on and then disappearing without an apparent backwards glance."
"I don't think Miss Bennet is of the nature to either develop or hold on to resentments," Darcy replied, trying to reassure himself as much as Bingley.
"Oh, so you think I should just return to Hertfordshire and take things up as though nothing has happened?"
"Sarcasm doesn't become you," Darcy answered in exasperation. "I know that I can't undo what's been done, but this matter is not past repair. I can see that your feelings are obviously unabated, so unless you consider Miss Bennet likely to be fickle in her affections, I believe there is a good chance of this all coming to a happy resolution."
"That is if she had affections for me in the first place... if it was me who caused her disappointment..."
"I know that nothing is assured, but will you really let the chance to find out for certain pass you by?"
"Darcy, on the smallest amount of hope I am willing to be in Hertfordshire within the week," Bingley smiled at his friend.
"That's not exactly necessary," Darcy returned. "She's still visiting with her relations in London."
"London..." Bingley's smile, though still a little uncertain, became less strained. "Do you really think she might be glad to see me...?"
"There's only one way to find out. Are you prepared to make a morning call tomorrow?"
"Of course! But what reason can I give for such a unexpected visit. It will surely seem unnatural after the long recess in our association."
"How does the excuse of delivering a letter from her sister sound?" Darcy grinned, producing his trump card.
"It sounds very well indeed," Bingley replied. "Very well indeed."
Part 8
The Darcy carriage rolled around to the Gardiner residence, inside its occupants sat silently, one in a nervous anticipation, and the other stealing himself for the affront his pride was about to encounter through association with these trade based relatives of the Bennets. If his honour had not been involved in correcting his interference in Bingley's affairs, there would have been naught to induce him to make such a call.
That the Gardiners' situation was so far beneath his own, was nothing compared to the fact that Mr Gardiner was the younger brother of Mrs Bennet and Mrs Phillips. He knew what he should expect on that count, and his whole being revolted against the degradation of such a fraternisation.
The house at which they eventually pulled up in front, was by no means as grand as Darcy's or even Bingley's, but it was well kept and attractive. Darcy looked across at the anxious expression on his friend's face and reminded himself of how little his concerns stood up against Bingley's.
He threw what he hoped was an encouraging smile to his friend.
"Well, there's nothing for it now but to have ourselves announced."
"This is hard Darce, I want this so much, but I fear it too."
"At least you will have a better idea of how things stand, one way or the other," Darcy replied. "Come on, stalling is not going to make this any easier."
Mrs Gardiner, her eight year old daughter Julia, and Jane, were sitting together in the dining room when the servant approached the door announcing the gentlemen visitors.
As she stood, Mrs Gardiner looked across at Jane in concern. Her niece looked paler than usual, but more sedate than Mrs Gardiner would have expected. On the gentlemen's appearing her colour increased; yet she received them with a tolerable ease, and with a propriety equally free from any symptom of resentment, or any unnecessary compliance. The amount of sheer will and composure that it took for Jane to make the appropriate introductions, would have never been suspected by an independent observer.
"Mr Darcy, Mr Bingley... it's a pleasure to have your company again. May I present my Aunt, Mrs Gardiner, and my eldest cousin Julia.
As Bingley looked across at Miss Bennet he felt all his social powers desert him. She was even more lovely than he remembered, and he suddenly felt totally unworthy of this beautiful woman. He could not determine if again being in Jane's presence, was enough to make up for the feelings of inadequacy and anxiety that he were currently assailing him.
Mrs Gardiner, feeling the more than common awkwardness attached to the situation, took matters in hand and welcomed her visitors with utmost politeness, offering them a seat.
"Julia dear, would you mind fetching your father from the study. You can then join your brothers and sister in the nursery."
Julia immediately complied to her mothers instructions and, giving a shy smile and curtsey, she left the room.
Darcy, as acute an observer as ever, was taking in everything with an astonishment that it took self-restraint to conceal. The house was tasteful and not at all ostentatious. Mrs Gardiner obviously had different ideas on décor than Mrs Bennet. Mrs Gardiner herself was also a surprise. She was probably a year or two older than himself, an attractive woman with sense and humour in her face. Her manners also showed her to be sensible and well-bred.
When Mr Gardiner entered the room, a very few minutes observation showed Darcy that his good looks were probably the only thing he shared with his older sister. Every time he spoke, his intelligence, taste, and good manners were marked, leaving Darcy to feel ashamed at the sentiments he had indulged in the carriage that morning. His visit to the Gardiners' was proving to be a rather humbling experience.
Very early in the visit Darcy had revealed the purpose of the call by handing over the letter from Elizabeth.
Jane received the letter with gratitude and thanked him for his consideration in bringing it to her. In noting the serenity of her countenance and air, Darcy might have believe her unaffected by the unexpected visit from Bingley, had she not been betrayed by the agitated activity of her hands. She continually played with the letter, turning it about and handling it so much that Darcy wondered if it would still be easily readable by the end of the visit.
The conversation had naturally turned to Kent and Elizabeth. All of her relatives' interested inquiries were answered by Darcy to the best of his knowledge, and he was a little embarrassed that, due to his withdrawn behaviour at Rosings, he was not as equipped to answer their questions as fully as he might have wished.
Darcy was also concerned at the unusual occurance of Bingley hardly entering into the conversation, so took the earliest possible moment to clear things in regard to his friend's previous failure to call.
"When I mentioned my intention of visiting to deliver the letter to you, Miss Bennet, Mr Bingley was taken completely by surprise. Until last night he was totally ignorant of your being in town."
Even Bingley could not fail to notice how this information effected Miss Bennet's countenance. Her careful guard was let down for just a moment as undeniable emotion crossed her face, and the letter fell unnoticed from her hand.
Bingley reacted immediately, leaving his seat to retrieve the dropped letter and to place it into Jane's hand. He took the opportunity that this afforded to take a seat closer to Miss Bennet. Though, when he had first entered, his embarrassment had caused him to speak little to her; now every five minutes, he seemed to be giving her more of his attention.
Mrs Gardiner soon excused herself in order to give her children the attention they required, and Darcy and Mr Gardiner continued in their own conversation, so as to leave Jane and Bingley opportunity to talk among themselves.
At the point when the visit had gone for as long as would normally be considered right, Darcy indicated to Bingley that they should be leaving. He thanked Mr Gardiner for his hospitality, and then made an offer which, it occurred to him, would not only forward the cause of Bingley, but would give himself the pleasure of good company.
"I only remain in town one day more, Mr Gardiner, but was hoping to attend the theatre tomorrow evening. I would be honoured if you, Mrs Gardiner and your niece would be my guests... and you too of course Bingley," he added with a smile to his friend. "It would also give me a chance, Miss Bennet, to collect any return correspondence you may wish me to convey to your sister."
Mr Gardiner accepted the invitation with a pleasure that he would have, only an hour before, felt impossible. All he had previously heard of Mr Darcy was that he was proud and disagreeable but, as far as his own short acquaintance had reached, he could find no such fault. Mr Darcy was perfectly well behaved, polite and unassuming.
~/~
The day after next, Elizabeth arrived home from a solitary ramble to find Charlotte waiting for her with two letters, one from Jane and one from Mrs Gardiner, which Mr Darcy had personally delivered on his way back to Rosings.
"My dear Eliza," Charlotte said as she handed over the letters. "I know you will again deny the likelihood, but he must be in love with you. I can find no other explanation for such behaviour." It was not the first time that she had suggested to Elizabeth the possibility of Mr Darcy being partial to her, but Elizabeth had always laughed at the idea. This time was no different.
"The whole idea is absurd Charlotte. It takes a huge effort for the man to condescend to give me any notice at all, and believe me - I'm happy with it that way."
"It seems to me that it takes more of an effort for him to pull his eyes away from you," Charlotte returned. "Have you never noticed how much he looks at you"
"Only to criticise, I'm sure," laughed Elizabeth.
"I would have thought that such an occupation would have worn quite thin by now," Charlotte murmured under her breath, but decided not to push the matter further with her friend.
"Do you mind if I excuse myself to read the letters," Elizabeth asked before removing herself to a bench in a reasonably secluded part of the garden.
She first opened Jane's missive, and nothing could have prepared her for the communication it contained. It took her so much by surprise that she had to re-read it to really accept that Mr Darcy had taken Mr Bingley to visit when he delivered her letter to the Gardiner residence.
"....Now that the first meeting is over," wrote Jane "I feel perfectly easy. I know my own strength, and I shall never be embarrassed again by his coming. I am glad we go to the theatre tomorrow night. It will then be publicly seen, on both sides, that we meet only as common and indifferent acquaintance..."
Elizabeth was still fighting disbelief as, in her eagerness to discover more, she opened her aunt's letter. It contained much of the same information as Jane's, but Elizabeth was pleased with her aunt's more independent view on the meeting between Jane and Mr Bingley.
". ..Jane was surprisingly calm during the whole of the meeting, and had I not known of the hurt and disappointment she had gone through when Miss Bingley made it abundantly clear that a continuation of the acquaintance was not desired, I might have thought her truly unaffected. When Mr Darcy however, mentioned that Mr Bingley had been ignorant of her presence in London until being informed of it by Mr Darcy on the preceding evening, Jane's composure faltered significantly. I can little imagine the relief that such a revelation brought with it.
I understand now what you meant by Mr Bingley's 'promising inclination'. I was only with the guests a little above 15 minutes, as I had the children to attend to, but his preference for Jane was clear. Mr Gardiner tells me that by the end of the interview he was wholly engrossed by her, and that it was left for he and Mr Darcy to maintain conversation between themselves..."
Elizabeth pitied her uncles role. She could imagine the strained silences and the look on the edge of disdain that would have been on Mr Darcy's face. Her Aunt however, continued the letter.
"...Mr Darcy's invitation to join him in his box tonight was a totally unlooked for civility. Jane says she is at ease, and that she wishes for nothing more than friendship with her gentleman, but I think she has more convinced herself that this is her desire, than us. I do not know what it was that kept Mr Bingley away from Hertfordshire, but it was certainly not indifference.
As for Mr Darcy, how came you to tell us he was so disagreeable and proud? He has something stately about him to be sure, but is confined to his air, and not at all unbecoming. I know our acquaintance has been trifling, but I really should not have thought that he could have behaved in so cruel a way by anybody as he has done by poor Wickham. He has not an illnatured look. I can just suppose our knowledge to be incomplete on that ground...
"Incomplete!" exclaimed Elizabeth. "Wickham gave me names, facts... everything; besides there was truth in his looks..."
Somehow, despite the reassurance of her thoughts, Elizabeth began to feel distinctly uncomfortable. As thrilled as she was by Jane's reintroduction into Mr Bingley's company, she was totally confused by how Mr Darcy seemed to fit into it. As convinced as she had been that Mr Darcy was party to the separation of Bingley and Jane, it made no sense that he was taking pains to bring them together now. Could she have misjudged him? Might the separation have been the work of his sisters alone? Despite thinking on it for above half an hour, she could find no way of looking at the matter which could sit happily with her reason.
Next!
